Marshawn Beastmode Lynch: The Funniest Man in Football

“Oh ya this spot hot. PLAYTIME.”

“They let me pour my own drinks, I love the sound it makes, so much power.”

“Who is Beethoven?” Whether or not he was really questioning this, the guy is outright funny. I seriously don’t know why he doesn’t have his own reality TV show. It wouldn’t be like the rest of these stupid reality TV shows where the producers tell non-actors to act, and the show turns out so horribly fake and scripted. A show with Marshawn would be a goldmine. I would love to produce a TV show for Marshawn that followed him around during the offseason. I would title it “Marshawn Madness”. You wouldn’t have to write any script for him, he is funny as hell and if you filmed him non-stop, it would be the funniest TV show on the market.

He is naturally funny. He lives in the moment and he is always looking for a way to make people laugh. Marshawn grew up in a low-income neighborhood just like Richard Sherman. The difference between the two is that Sherman is a cocky, loud-mouth from SoCal and Marshawn is the funniest football player in the NFL. I mean how can you not think this guy is funny? (0.37)

Unlike Sherman, Marshawn isn’t saying that he “is better in life” than useless sports journalists. Marshawn is making friends, not burning bridges and embarrassing himself on national television. He makes the best out of anything he does. Whether its football, interviews, TV shows, or celebrating a win at Cal.

Marshawn Lynch played football and basketball at Oakland Tech. One of his high school teammates, was former Boston Celtics player Leon Powe. Now lets think of another athlete to come out of Oakland, California…….Ricky Henderson. The thief himself. Another guy somebody should have made a reality TV show about. Rickey spoke about Rickey’s greatness. Rickey once received a 1 million dollar check from the Oakland A’s and instead of cashing it, he framed it and put it on his wall.

Back to Marshawn. The man with “Oakland” tatted across his chest. A true legend in the making.

Let me tell you a quick true story about Marshawn. Marshawn was once late to football practice during his days at Cal. As he was leaving the weight room, he noticed a ginger rugby player, my buddy Neil, sitting outside, waiting for his teammates to finish lifting. (Note: Rugby players share the same facilities as football players because they are D1 at Cal, not club). Neil was sitting down, propped up next to his bike when Marshwn approached him and said, “Hey man I’m really late to practice, can I have your bike to get to the football field?” Neil at first said, “No, this my bike, I need it for transportation.” After Marshawn offered him a deal, Neil, like anyone else would have done, accepted Marshawn’s offer. Marsahwn said “Here you can have my helmet, I’ll just tell coach I lost it.” Neil then said, “Ok, but can you sign it for me.” “Ya man of course.” To this day, Neil has a Marshawn Lynch signed Cal football helmet. Marshawn signed the helmet in black sharpie on the yellow Cal logo. What did Marshawn do when he showed up to practice? He told Jeff Tedford he lost his helmet. Tedford told the little equipment manager to go get Marsahwn a new helmet. End of story.

Don’t believe me? Here’s a photo…notice the #10 on the back of the helmet? Autograph may be faded, but the story will always remain permanent.


Tedford, your days are over. Pete Caroll, yours won’t be for awhile, but don’t ever tell Shawn what to do.

And Shawn, of course I remembered to use spell check. One day, I hope I can make a reality show about you. Skittles for days. You are the funniest player in the NFL. Thank you.

Nobody can put the team on the back like you Marshawn. Get off me child’s play! Darren Sharper….


Hold ma dick!

By: Dago Joe


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