Archive | February 2014

Funkified Friday

No funk here, you just got RICKROLLED on a whole another level. Happy Friday.

By: Dago Joe

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Fleet Week is Coming Back

Hell Ya! It sucked not having the Blue Angels here last Fall. It was like being in Tahoe in January with no snow. Just didn’t make sense. Fleet week is always during Indian Summer, so the summer fog is gone, and people are able to enjoy the sunshine. It’s also during Columbus Weekend and while the Columbus Parade is going downhill fast, it’s still an excuse to drink all day at La Rocca’s and Gino’s while celebrating Christopher Columbus. I hate hearing shit like Columbus was a rapist and a racist. The guy founded the greatest land of all lands. The US of A. Can’t wait for October 15. http://www.fleetweek.usba1

ba2 ba3 BLUE ANGELS PERFORM OVER THE BAY 071007-N-8878B-342

By: Dago Joe

RIP Bushman

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Today is a tragic day in San Francisco history. The Bushman, Gregory Jacobs, has passed away due to heart failure. San Francisco is a very famous tourist attraction, and there is only ONE reason that tourists don’t come back. THE BUSHMAN. The Bushman was the greatest thing that ever happened to Fisherman’s Wharf. He scared the shit out of tourists all day and every day, leaving a stagnant memory in the minds of those that considered moving here. They thought that maybe San Francisco wasn’t a great place to move to after all. “Maybe I should move back to France and stay there because there are no black guys jumping out of bushes there.” Damn right. Don’t fall in love with our city and don’t ever come back, because even though the Bushman is gone, his spirit will remain forever. He will haunt all of you in a worse way than before…

“You’re worst nightmare: a black man behind a bush.Be a man, you know I got ya asses, it’s only a damn bush!” ($69,000 my ass hahaha, Bushman was always drunk , but who cares, he ruled)

…Instead of hopping out of his makeshift bush, from now on, he will appear in the presence of seagull shit. Yupp. I had a conversation with him about a week ago, and he told me that he is immortal. He said, once his body is deceased, he will hack the minds of seagulls and force them to shit on tourists. So, don’t be shocked if you’re a tourist, and you just happened to get shit on by a seagull.  That seagull is the Bushman droppin turds on all of you. Fisherman’s Wharf is gonna be something similar to Hitchcock’s, The Birds. Only difference is that the birds won’t be attacking humans. Instead, they will be shitting on specifically tourists due to the magnificent, immortal powers of the Bushman. RIP Gregory Jacobs. Next time I see a seagull drop a massive turd on a tourist, I’ll laugh and know you’re still alive and in action. Thanks.

Not sure who this douche is, but the scares are great…

The spirit of the Bushman is so powerful that he doesn’t need laxatives. Birds will be dropping turds on tourists just like this…

By: Dago Joe

Punks vs Hipsters

Not everyone will cotton to the idea of a fight club in West Oakland — particularly one overseen by the East Bay Rats motorcycle club. For those who do, however, it’s a minor obsession. When Vice magazine co-founder Gavin McInnes got wind of the fights, he made them the centerpiece of his Current TV pilot, The Immersionist, which was all about “demystifying” strange subcultures. An SFist blogger described the Rats’ fight night as “a three-ring circus of awesomeness.” Clips of Rat brawls abound on YouTube, showing chick fights, emo-boy fights, big-scary-dude fights, fights with underlying sexual tension, two-on-two fights, fights done barefoot, fights that involve more air-swatting than physical contact, fights that elicit jeers from the crowd. If these clips tell us anything, it’s that we love watching a little blood sport — particularly between two opponents who don’t exactly know what they’re doing.

The Rats are, indeed, a weird bastion of traditional working-class machismo, right in the middle of progressive, hipster Oakland. They offer a chance for willowy hipster dudes to get in touch with their essential dude-ness, which might explain why Rats founder Trevor Latham has such an easy time convincing people to put on boxing gloves. Agan thinks of the Rats as Oakland’s answer toThe Dukes of Hazzard. “They’re a motorcycle club, but they’re cool guys,” he said. “Not knucklehead racist dudes.”

Punks versus hipsters was the most successful theme night to date. And since then, the Rats have compiled a list of potential future themes: Property owners versus graffiti artists. Librarians versus the illiterate. Clowns versus mimes. Cutters versus bulimics. Pill-poppers versus huffers. The college-educated versus high school drop-outs. Female-to-male transsexuals versus male-to-female transsexuals. Transplants verses locals.

Such built-in tensions help generate interest. But, in reality, the fights are popular on their own. Latham said the club’s biggest smoker attracted about 3,000 people. Saturday’s fight might have ranked up there, had they not turned people away. Everyone and their mom seemed to want to fight. Punks fought punks. Hipsters fought hipsters. Chicks fought other chicks. City Hall gadfly Max Allstadt fought Hoodstock organizer Miguel Reyes. After winning the fight, Allstadt posted photos on Facebook of his bloodied face, with the caption, “I have discovered a great preemptive hangover cure. It’s called ‘being hit in the face a lot.’ You should try it! I’m going to make millions.” A forty-year-old punk rocker named Lache, who entered the ring for the first time in her life on Saturday, tried to explain the fight’s appeal. “I volunteered … and I would do it again,” she assured. “But I would want to be put with someone who hadn’t fought before.” Lache got paired with another tough punk chick who had more experience in the ring. Their fight lasted just over a minute — Lache was the one who backed out. Allstadt consoled her: “You threw a few damn good punches, that’s for sure.”

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/oakland/punks-versus-hipsters-the-battle-royale/Content?oid=2574507 By 

This shit is awesome. I wanna fight asap, but I really wish it was in the city instead of Oakland. I’ve been back in the city for 6 months now and I cannot tell you how much it’s changed. Fucking hiptsers everywhere. The mission is a whole new neighborhood. My grandma grew up in the mission back when it was predominantly an Irish neighborhood. When I was growing up it was, and still kinda is, Mexican and El Salvadorian. Nowadays, techies who work in the peninsula have pretty much taken over because they’re willing to pay up to, and over 3k a month for rent. And they’re all hipsters. It’s a whole new breed of hipster. The Techy Hipster. They dress just like ordinary hipsters, but they have way more money because being broke in SF is WAY too mainstream. And anyone can say, “Well, they are able to afford it, so why not let them live there and let them raise rent prices?” No. These guys are ruining this neighborhood and the entire city. Yes I’m sure the crime rate has decreased significantly as gentrification continues to increase, but I hate the techy hipsters more than anyone. I even hate them more than the yuppies in the Marina. I’m seriously over this shit. They need to move to Brooklyn with the rest of the bunch. The culture of San Francisco is going to shit, fast. Real fast. 

Now, if only this club was in the city. Maybe the 415 Hells Angels guys would allow something like this to happen at their club in Potrero Hill. I doubt it, but it would make them a lotta money.

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Now if it was in the city….Natives vs. Transplants…I guarantee it would be a clean record for us locals. Any takers?

By: Dago Joe

SOMF

The Oscar-nominated actress dishes with TheWrap at screening of her latest film “The Last Five Years,” co-starring Jeremy Jordan

Anna Kendrick was all smiles as a small, urgent flurry of flashbulbs popped before her, and she was quite genuinely happy to be reunited with the creative team from her upcoming film, an adaptation of the Off-Broadway musical “The Last Five Years.” But, the straight shooter that she is, Kendrick was also blunt about her recent run of musical films — and her desire to give her vocal chords a break.

“I never want to sing again, honestly. It’s hard as f-ck,” the actress, who starred on Broadway as a 12-year-old, admitted to TheWrapat a distributor screening of her film at Lincoln Center on Monday night. “The ‘Pitch Perfect’ [sequel] is going to be fine, ten girls have to be able to sing the songs so it’s going to be fine, but doing ‘The Last Five Years’ and then ‘Into the Woods’ straight away, I was like, I don’t want to have to think about my voice so much. I want to be able to drink beer whenever I want.” By Jordan Zakarin

Anna Kendrick. Wow. Talk about a straight shooter. She’s a chick I would like to be around. Wouldn’t you? You know she can drink you under the table, but you don’t care. You don’t care that she could beat your ass and you don’t care that she slaps you in the face in public for drinking like a pussy. It’s all a turn-on. And just when you think you’re cool enough to even hang out with her, you decide to ask her out. What does she do? She explodes with laughter and spits the beer in her mouth, in your face, while you sit there like a dumbass. You say, why not? She then burps so close to your mouth that you taste it, and you kinda like it, and she says, “honey, I just looked at you like one of my girlfriends. You poor thing.”

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By: Dago Joe

Sigma Derby & Craps

Last weekend, about 15 of us “city slickers” (what the Tahoe cops/locals call us) headed up to South Lake Tahoe for a weekend of debauchery. We celebrated President’s weekend just like the rest of America. Drinking, gambling, barbecuing, getting sunburnt, and more drinking (with a little bit of snowboarding). It was a great weekend, and it’s the first time I’ve came back from Tahoe with money in my pocket. I won $450 in craps, but more importantly I won $50 in Sigma Derby. A buddy of mine, “Moshpit” Marty Barnes won $350 on Sigma Derby. The drunk bastard bet 7 quarters on the horse combo, 1 & 5, that was 200 to 1. I’m such a squid that I only bet 1 quarter. The great thing about that particular horse combo was that everyone at the derby that night had at least 1 quarter on it winning. EVERYONE WON. When the plastic horses were in the final stretch everyone was cheering…”1, 5, 1,5…..1, 5!!” Holy TOLDEO 1, 5 wins! Everyone went bananas. Slapping strangers’ hands and congratulating each other for winning a shit ton of quarters. The best thing about Sigma Derby is that when you win, all of the quarters pour out and hit the metal tray. Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Clinks for days. Just like cashing out on the old slot machines, everyone in the casino can hear who won . Fuck the stupid voucher and fuck the fake “clink” noise. That shit is for amateurs. Sigma Derby, on the other hand, is for bosses.

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After winning a whopping $50 at Sigma Derby. I took my winnings over to the Craps Table and made it last for 3 hours. This chick, Kathy, rolled 6 and 8 seriously a million times, so I kept pressing my bets and winning huge. She didn’t crap out for what felt like an hour, and the whole table won that night. When the table is loud, the 50 year old cocktail waitresses with fake tits and pounds of makeup on, immediately rush over. One came up to me and said, in the most fake way ever, “Well done! Would you like a drink, sir?” Ya, a Maker’s Manhattan on the rocks please. Poor lady was so shocked by my drink order that she didn’t know what hit her. She was expecting me to order a beer or something lame. Not when I’m playing Craps, honey. If I’m playing Craps, I need to drink like a Boss in order to roll like a Boss. And, it worked. I won big and so did everybody else. Wish I woulda walked away when I was up $700, but it was just too much fun. Every time I rolled I felt like Mr. Nick Papagiorgio in Chevy Chase’s Vegas Vacation. I was waiting for one of the Montbleu guys to escort me to my own suite that included free spa treatment, limitless mini bar drinks & snacks, and a huge bed that I could jump on while I threw my money in the air.  I thought maybe I will get invited to one of those”High-Rollers-Only Parties”

Never happened.

What did happen is that I had to drive back to the city the next day in 5 hours of fucking traffic. So much for the Boss life. Until next time, South Lake.

“I’m Nick Papagiorgio from Yuma, Arizona. I’m in the software business.”

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“So I says to em, I says, get your own monkey!”

Gonna go back up in a week or so to make some ridiculous sports bets.

By: Dago Joe

SEGA Genesis vs Nintendo

Seth Rogen and Evan Goldberg are teaming up to make a movie about Blake Harris’ novel, Console Wars, that focuses on the battle between Sega and Nintendo in the 90’s.

I owned both of these consoles, so I made a list of their top 5 games in no particular order.

NES top 5 games…

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1.Duckhunt
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2. Super Mario Bros 3

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3. Paper Boy

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4. The Legend of Zelda

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5. Super Mario Bros 2

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VS.

SEGA Genesis top 5 games…

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1. Sonic The Hedgehog 2

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2. Earthworm Jim

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3. Streets of Rage 2

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4. Mortal Kombat 2

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5. Streetfighter 2

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There’s no winner here. Both systems ruled and both defined the nightlife of my childhood, along with Laser Tag.

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By: Dago Joe

RIP Harold Ramis

CHICAGO (AP) — An attorney for Harold Ramis says the actor has died.

Fred Toczek tells The Associated Press that Ramis died early Monday morning from complications of autoimmune inflammatory disease. He was 69.

Ramis is best known for his roles in the comedies “Ghostbusters” and “Stripes.”

According to Biography.com, Ramis co-wrote “Ghostbusters,” in which he appeared with fellow Second City alums Dan Aykroyd and Bill Murray.

The website says he also co-wrote “National Lampoon’s Animal House” and “Meatballs” and directed such films as “Caddyshack” and “Groundhog Day.” By Brian Shields

Dr. Egon Spengler, Ghostbusters

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Director of Caddyshackharold2

“Cannon ball comin…or just get weird with somebody.”

Russell Ziskey, Stripesharold5

 

Writer, Back to School“They’re takin a break!”

Writer, Animal House 

By: Dago Joe

Dubs Beat Rockets in OT

It was the first time I’ve attended a Warriors basketball game at Oracle in years. Probably almost a decade. I was fortunate enough to attend game 4 of the playoffs last season against the Nuggets in Denver. My ticket was only $12 and although we lost, it was a great experience to see playoff basketball live.

Last night’s game was very similar to a playoff game. Oracle was fully alive and on fire. Steve Blake’s 1st ever game in a Warriors jersey was successful for a couple reasons. 1. The Dubs won. 2. He hit a clean 3 on his 1st ever shot attempt as a Warrior in the face of 7 footer Donatas Motiejunas.

Whether or not he hit a shot after that is irrelevant. With playoff experience under his belt, he is a great addition to the team and he will be a valued off-the-bench player for the Dubs.

I was glad to see Jermaine O’Neal back in action and shutting down the baby, Dwight Howard. I was really impressed by Jordan Crawford who had 12 points. The guy has a dirty jumper and I swear he gets 8 feet off the ground every time he shoots. David Lee had an outstanding game with 28 points and 14 rebs, but holy shit did he almost cost us the game at the end of the 4th and in OT. He kept trying the same exact post-up move and turning the ball over. Learn from your mistakes, and don’t do the same fuckin thing 3 times in a row if it isn’t working. It was frustrating, but Curry saved his ass with the game-tying layup high off the left side of the glass to send the game into Overtime.

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James Harden is absolutely unstoppable. He has his own twist on making fundamental basketball look so skilled. His play isn’t boring like Tim Duncan. He knows how to create space and score points with style. Nobody on the Dubs could stop him last night. Harden went off for 39 points, stealing 2 at the end of OT.

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Jermain O’Neal did get dunked on pretty badly by Howard in regulation, but he saved the game with a huge blocked dunk in OT.

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Great win for the Dubs. We are -6 against New Jersey tomorrow night at home.

By: Dago Joe

Funkified Friday (to cure my bitterness)

Since Mardi Gras is right around the corner. Here is Galactic with Trombone Shorty to keep your Friday moving…