Talking Bass, the New Security

ROCHESTER, Minn. (AP) — Big Mouth Billy Bass apparently got the best of a would-be burglar in Minnesota.

Authorities in Rochester say the motion-activated singing fish apparently scared off an intruder who tried to break into the Hooked on Fishing bait and tackle shop.

The novelty bass had been hung near the door and would start singing “Take Me to the River” whenever someone entered the shop.

The Olmsted County Sheriff’s Office says the fish was found on the floor after the intruder knocked it down while breaking the door to get in late Sunday or early Monday.

Sgt. Tom Claymon tells the Star Tribune ( the would-be burglar left without stealing anything, including cash that had been left in “a very visible spot.”


Talk about a true money saver. Way cheaper than a guard dog. Way cheaper than an alarm system. Way cheaper than installing security cameras. The talking bass is the new security powerhouse. I don’t care if you own a fish store or a clothing store, the talking bass performs in all kinds of retail outlets. So go out and buy one NOW. How does he work? Put the annoying little fucker next to your main entrance door. When someone sets off his motion sensor, he will sing. Yes, his singing sucks, but that is the burden you have to deal with if you want top notch security. Once intruders hear him singing, they will immediately stop in their own tracks, proceed to shit themselves, and then exit the store with poopy pants.

Talking fish +1

Squid robber -1


By: Dago Joe


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One response to “Talking Bass, the New Security”

  1. Fred says :

    Hahah fuck jake dui lock and security. Im finna cop me a bass fish. Right on dago joe

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