Tinder: Sochi Style

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Jamie Anderson, the 23-year-old American snowboarder, tells US Weekly that she and her fellow female athletes spend their down time in Sochi on one app in particular:

“Tinder!” Anderson told Us with a laugh about the dating app. “Tinder in the Olympic Village is next level. It’s all athletes! In the mountain village it’s all athletes. It’s hilarious. There are some cuties on there.”

Anderson eventually had to remind herself, however, to focus on the real prize and put her love life on hold. “There was a point where I had to be like OK, this is way too distracting,” she said of using Tinder. I deleted my account to focus on the Olympics.”

Turning off Tinder ended up working in Anderson’s favor — at least in her career. She won the gold medal in Women’s Slopestyle Event at the 2014 Olympics in Sochi on Sunday, Feb. 9.

Nitasha Tiku on VALLEYWAG

Smokeshow…

jamie1 Snowboard - Winter Olympics Day 2 jamie4

Good for them. I wish I was an Olympic athlete, winning medals and partying my ass off with foreigners. Shit, you’re never gonna see these people again, so you better act accordingly. I’d swipe right as fast as my arthritic thumb could handle it. Likes for days = Matches for days. Well maybe not matches for me, but, not even looking at the photos and swiping right increases your chances of getting a match by a tenfold. I would give my left nut in exchange for matching Carmen Schaeffer, Eve Muirhead, Jamie Anderson, or Lolo Jones. Either way, it’s not like you’re gonna match a fat chick. They’re all olympians. You might end up matching an ugly chick from Slovakia, but hey who cares? What happens in Sochi stays in Sochi.

But don’t swipe too fast because it could get awkward if you accidentally match Sergei Mahrokovs. Who’s that? Sergei is the infamous, gay, local Sochi drunk who stands at 6 feet 6 inches tall and 300 pounds. He states he is a woman on  tinder and if you are doing the swipe right quickly method, you could be in some trouble. Sergei is known to invite Olympians over to pound vodka (which he made in his bathtub) and sing Russian folk songs with his gay older sister, Olga, who is also 6’6 and could definitely break you in half. So be careful Olympians, be VERY careful. Sergei and Olga currently have 3 male French olympians in captivity. Then again, they are French, so who cares?

Sergei: “Hey aaaas would yous likes to come ovvur to my plakce and drinkuh, singuh, and perhapz fuckuh? My oldurr seezturr Olga haz sexuh withs youz.”

SERGEIrussian1

OLGA (AKA Big Purp)olga

Again, be careful, Olympians…

Sincerely,

Dago Joe

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