RIP Bushman

bushman2

Today is a tragic day in San Francisco history. The Bushman, Gregory Jacobs, has passed away due to heart failure. San Francisco is a very famous tourist attraction, and there is only ONE reason that tourists don’t come back. THE BUSHMAN. The Bushman was the greatest thing that ever happened to Fisherman’s Wharf. He scared the shit out of tourists all day and every day, leaving a stagnant memory in the minds of those that considered moving here. They thought that maybe San Francisco wasn’t a great place to move to after all. “Maybe I should move back to France and stay there because there are no black guys jumping out of bushes there.” Damn right. Don’t fall in love with our city and don’t ever come back, because even though the Bushman is gone, his spirit will remain forever. He will haunt all of you in a worse way than before…

“You’re worst nightmare: a black man behind a bush.Be a man, you know I got ya asses, it’s only a damn bush!” ($69,000 my ass hahaha, Bushman was always drunk , but who cares, he ruled)

…Instead of hopping out of his makeshift bush, from now on, he will appear in the presence of seagull shit. Yupp. I had a conversation with him about a week ago, and he told me that he is immortal. He said, once his body is deceased, he will hack the minds of seagulls and force them to shit on tourists. So, don’t be shocked if you’re a tourist, and you just happened to get shit on by a seagull.  That seagull is the Bushman droppin turds on all of you. Fisherman’s Wharf is gonna be something similar to Hitchcock’s, The Birds. Only difference is that the birds won’t be attacking humans. Instead, they will be shitting on specifically tourists due to the magnificent, immortal powers of the Bushman. RIP Gregory Jacobs. Next time I see a seagull drop a massive turd on a tourist, I’ll laugh and know you’re still alive and in action. Thanks.

Not sure who this douche is, but the scares are great…

The spirit of the Bushman is so powerful that he doesn’t need laxatives. Birds will be dropping turds on tourists just like this…

By: Dago Joe

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