Derf of the Year

Couple: “Hey Look we just found $10 million in gold coins…”

Feds: “Yes you did, now give that to us.”


A California couple who found a stash of buried gold coins valued at $10 million may not be so lucky after all. The coins may have been stolen from the US Mint in 1900 and thus be the property of the government, according to a published report.

The San Francisco Chronicle’s website reported that a search of the Haithi Trust Digital Library provided by Northern California fishing guide Jack Trout, who is also a historian and collector of rare coins, turned up the news of the theft.

The California couple, who have not been identified, spotted the edge of an old can on a path they had hiked many times before several months ago. Poking at the can was the first step in uncovering a buried treasure of rare coins estimated to be worth $10 million.

“It was like finding a hot potato,” the couple told coin expert Don Kagin from Kagin’s, Inc. The couple hired the president of Kagin’s, Inc. and Holabird-Kagin Americana, a western Americana dealer and auctioneer, to represent them.

I read a few articles about this. Walter Dimmick robbed the Mint on Market Street back in 1901 for $27,000 worth of gold coins in what was known as the Saddle Ridge Hoard. He got caught and was sentenced to 9 years at San Quentin. BUT, they never found the coins. My question is, why didn’t the guy go back for the coins after he got outta jail? I’m guessing he never read The Count of Monte Cristo or he just flat out forgot where he hid them. That would suck balls. Big hairy balls. Poor guy probably had a worse memory than myself and completely forgot where he hid them…Mary….

And who finds this guy’s long, lost treasure? The biggest DERFS of all time, Dr. Derfenstein and his wife Deirdra Derfenstein. They said it was like finding a “hot potato”. A HOT FUCKING POTATO? No you just found $27,000 worth of coins and they just so happened to be gold coins from the turn of the 20th century. So, maybe ask yourselves, how much would they be worth now? 10 million dollars. That’s how much. Next question you ask yourselves, what should we do with them? Not tell a single God damn soul and sell them offshore, or melt them down and sell them. Shit, I bet you coulda sold them on Ebay! Since you chose not to do any of those somewhat intelligent options, the Feds just swooped the shit out of them. Gone. Theirs, not yours. You’re no longer millionaires. Great job. I now understand why people hate us Californians so much.

Regardless of what these people were thinking, I’m still bummed it wasn’t me. It was always my childhood dream to find a chest or pot of gold. I watched Tom and Huck a billion times as a kid and this story seems very familiar. Except, Tom and Huck keep the gold from Injun Joe.

Or the final scene of The Goonies when they find the ship filled with treasure. Seriously, its every kid’s dream to find gold coins. It still is my dream. This couple ruined it and I award them DERF of the Year.

Off the record…Injun Joe still scares the shit outta me…Image

And my 1st crush was Becky Thatcher…Image

By: Dago Joe


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