Archive | Smokesmash RSS for this section

Curling Smokesmash

Carmen Schaefer, Switzerlandcs1cs2cs3Carmen Schaefercs5

Vs.

Eve Muirhead, Great Britain

em1 em2

ImageImageImage

Image

Eve wins on the cute factor and the fact that she can pull off 2 hair colors and still look smoking (she’s hotter as a brunette). On her free time, she golfs and plays the bagpipes, which are pluses.

Carmen wins on the freak factor (tongue ring), stunning green eyes, and Angelina Jolie-esque lips. She surfs too?

Carmen Schaefer wins this one. She’s naturally a smokeshow, and the fact that she doesn’t give a shit about wearing her tongue ring in the Olympics is awesome. Yes, I know it’s curling, but she’s still flaunting it, and its outright sexy on her.

Carmen, Eve, please SOMF.

By: Dago Joe

Who does Team USA start at Goalie in Sochi? Which of their wives wins Smokesmash?

1. RYAN MILLER

6-2 175 7/17/1980 L East Lansing, Mich. Buffalo Sabres

Image

Miller has an impressive .926 save percentage this year, but surprisingly, it’s just .928 at even strength. He has 24 quality starts in 36 games, or an excellent 66.7 percent. His great reputation in the shootout is backed by a very good career save percentage of .708.Miller has an impressive .926 save percentage this year, but surprisingly, it’s just .928 at even strength. He has 24 quality starts in 36 games, or an excellent 66.7 percent. His great reputation in the shootout is backed by a very good career save percentage of .708.

2. JONATHAN QUICK

6-1 218 1/21/1986 L Milford, Conn. Los Angeles Kings

Image

Quick has a roughly league-average .917 save percentage but a solid .931 at even strength. He has 16 quality starts in 28 games, or a decent 57.1 percent. His career save percentage in the shootout is a very good .705.

3. JIMMY HOWARD

6-0 218 3/26/1984 L Ogdensburg, N.Y. Detroit Red Wings

Image

Howard has a roughly league-average .916 save percentage this year, including .923 at even strength. He has 16 quality starts in 29 games, or 55.2 percent. His career save percentage in the shootout is a very good .699. By: Rob Vollman

First of all, I can’t stand Jonathan Quick for being on the LA Kings, so I would never vote for him. And he was such a baby squid in the playoffs against the Sharks last season, bitching to the refs the entire series. Hatred aside, Quick plays behind one of the best defenses in the NHL and his glove hand isn’t all that strong. Teams score on Quick when they get the puck off the ice.

Howard is a solid goalie too, but he’s said to be too aggressive at times, while consistency is another problem for him. He’s known to give up goals on his blocker side too often, but I see Howard as the future goalie of Team USA.

I say we go with Ryan Miller. Miller was an absolute beast in Vancouver in 2010. We may have lost (fuck sid the kid), but Miller won the MVP. His experience under the big lights in the Vancouver Olympics as well as his consistency and high saving percentage earns him the starting spot in Sochi. Oh, and lets not forget his flow…

Image

Talk about some serious hockey flow. Well done Ryan. Well done.

Now onto their wives Smokesmash…

First up: Jimmy’s wife, Rachel

ImageImage

Vs.

Ryan’s wife, Noureen DeWulf

ImageImageImageImageImage

Vs.

Fat black dude, wife of Jonathan QuickImage

Holy smokes Noureen Dewulf is a goddess. Miller winning on all levels. Congrats, and lead us to the Gold. I want the Gold.

noureen

By: Dago Joe

Superbowl Wives/Girlfriends Smokesmash

First lets do a WR matchup…

Jessie James-Pop country star/Eric Decker’s wife

ImageImageImageImageImageImage
VS.

Elise Pollard-Girfriend of Golden TateImageImageImageImageImage

Two ABSOLUTE dimes. Talk about a couple lucky motherufckers. Both of these girls are fun sized, have perfect bodies, great smiles, and are cute and sexy at the same time. I’m gonna have to go with Jamie on this one. Jamie wins because she is pop country star, she is famous without Decker, and she’s sexier than Elise.

Broncos +1

Next up, WR vs CB….

Anna Welker-Wife of Wes

ImageImageImageImageImage

VS.

Ashley Lillian Moss- Girlfriend of Richard ShermanImageImageImageImage

No contest. Welker’s wife, Anna, all day. I threw in the last photo of Sherman to show how much of an overachiever he is. Ashley is way too good-looking for that alien. As cute as Ashley is, Anna blew her outta the water on a number of different levels. Anna is a bikini model and she redefines sexy. And no doubt, just like Decker’s wife, Jamie, Anna is a freak too. I would not be shocked at all if Decker and Welker swapped wives every now and then. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Now onto QB’s…

Ashley Manning

ImageImageImageImage

Vs.

4. Ashton Wilson

ImageImageImage

ImageImage

Talk about a Smokesmash from Hell. Holy shit, this is tough. I like Ashley because she is tall, has a great smile, great body, and she is brunette. Peyton should be trying to have a kid right now because, no doubt,  its top notch breeding with her.

I like Ashton because she has blue eyes, a great smile, and a great body. Both chicks seem very loyal due to the fact that it was tough to find any photos of them without their husbands. So who wins?

I gotta go with Ashton on this one. The photo of her sitting down in that white dress with her legs crossed was the deciding factor. Tough decision, but Ashton wins.

Due to a great performance by the receiving core of the Denver Broncos, the donkeys pull it out in a close Superbowl Smokesmash victory over the Seahawks in a final score of 2-1.

welkdeck

….Keep your eyes peeled for post game swinger parties held by Welker and Decker…No doubt they will be fucking each other’s wives…

By: Dago Joe