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NFL is done, what do we do now?

What a shitty Superbowl. It wasn’t even close, and I completely thought that it was gonna be the exact opposite score. Superbowl 68, (we’re not Romans, so fuck using their numerals) was pretty damn bad. Highlights included: Broadway Joe flipping the coin too early in his awesome fur coat, the Halftime show, and seeing a safety occur on the 1st play of the game. I’m not a Bruno Mars fan, whatsoever, too be honest I think he’s a douche, but the guy knows how to put on a show. They shoulda let the Chili Peppers play way more songs than simply “Give it away”. And somebody definitely became or woulda became a millionaire after making a drunk $100 bet for a safety happening as the 1st play of the game. Sad thing is that when it happened, the guy who made this bet got ecstatic because the odds of that happening are absolutely ridiculous and he woulda won HUGE. But then he got so let down after he couldn’t find his ticket stub. If only…if only…

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BROADWAY JOE DEFINES SWAGGER…

joe bp Quarterback Joe Namath Relaxing at Home

I find watching the NFL as the best entertainment on the market. Period. I’m pretty devastated that the season is over. There’s nothing better than sitting on my couch all day and watching Redzone (of course I mean when the Raiders are away). It’s the best form of entertainment, and I’ve gotten into the NFL vs. College football argument a ton of times, and I will always stay faithful to the NFL. After attending a D1 school, I can’t argue that game days were some of the best days of my life, even though we sucked, but when it comes to the actual football being played, the NFL shits on College. College isn’t as entertaining for a few reasons…1. It’s slower 2. It’s too easy for offenses to gain yards 3. The players aren’t as athletic. 4. It’s SLOWER. 5. The NCAA added a stupid ejection rule that can completely ruin an entire game. I love the NFL so much because it is the best of the best and it’s fast as shit. I also really enjoy the fact that every game is a chess game between coordinators where as college is moreso system vs. system. The majority of college players don’t pan out in the NFL because they were thrown into a college system that hides their weaknesses. In the NFL, there is no room for that shit, it’s too talented.

While the NCAA is ruining college football with this new ejection rule, the NFL is ruining the game as well. I understand that too many players deal with horrible mental issues after retirement, and I do want the league to look after the players when it comes to concussions. But there needs to be a definitive black line when it comes to these new rules dealing with helmet to helmet contact and any contact on the quarterback. This year, it was too gray, and the refs need to be consistent when they make these calls. It looked like some of the playoff games were fixed this season (NFC Championship-Niners got hosed the entire game).

However, I get why the NFL is trying to protect the QB’s. They protect big names like Brady, Brees, Manning, and Rivers because these guys are what make the NFL so entertaining. So when a big name like Brady gets injured for the entire season, the ratings drop drastically because fans don’t wanna see shit backup QB’s throwing picks all day and losing games. This does work both ways, though. Look at Nick Foles. The guy finally gets to start and absolutely dominates. I witnessed his perfect QB passing rating against the Raiders, and I’ve seen a lot of great QB’s play at the coliseum, but that was by far the best performance. He had more TD’s than incompletions. He shredded the Raiders D worse than Steve Buscemi’s body at the end of Fargo.

He was pretty funny though…

The NFL also needs to crack down on post play celebrations and the endless amount of shit talking. Every single fuckin play there is a celebration. It’s getting annoying. Act like you’ve been there before. Watch film on Barry Sanders. Guy would score a TD then would hand the ball to the ref. A true Class Act. Some of these players are so obnoxious that they celebrate even when their team is down by 50. Look at the scoreboard, dumbass, you’re losing by 50. So stop acting like you just won the Superbowl for a tackle you made when you’re TEAM is getting blown out on national television. While some of these celebrations are entertaining, the every play shit needs to stop. You get paid millions of dollars to make catches and tackles, so don’t get up and act like you just cured fucking cancer. Do your job and play the game. The NCAA had to crack down on shit like this for Miami’s antics in the 80’s, and so does the NFL…

That shit is pretty funny, but it gets old play after play.

So what do we do with our Sundays now?…

I have no fuckin clue.

Thank you NFL for another great season. I’m gonna miss you.

Sincerely,

Dago Joe

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Hugh and Buffett, Clairvoyant Manatees pick the Superbowl Winners

Prior to this video, Dr. Gaspard didn’t know the camera was rolling and what he said is quite disturbing. They tried to destroy all evidence (by that I mean, they are from Florida and don’t know how to do that, so they simply put a line through the transcribed text).

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*Dr: Joseph Gaspard Ph.D: “I live in Florida, but I decide to wear a beanie and grow a beard to look badass. I use “Touch of Gray” because I hope chicks will think I am intelligent and distinguished. T of G is my ticket to Pleasure Town. No more V card for this guy, bitches. For some reason, there is a Ph. D next to my name? I told the producers who filmed this clip that I need to see a DOCTOR because I can’t stop shaking my fuckin head when I speak and I don’t want to get mistaken for Michael J. Fox. They must have heard differently and thought that I said I have a DOCTORATE. But the truth is, I’m a dumbass from Florida. I’m proud that I am famous for something so stupid. Oh and by the way, I’ve raped Hugh and Buffett on three separate occasions.”

Whoa whoa whoa, Mr. Gaspard. Did you think the camera was off? I heard every word you said, and you sir, are one sick bastard. All of you Florida people are twisted. From zombie bums hyped up on bath salts and eating each other to animal molesters like yourself, the entire state of Florida needs a good ass beating. Joe, you will never be mistaken for Michael J. Fox because you’re not half the man he is nor will you ever be.

This reminds me of “Blackfish”. How about the asshole Florida Seaworld owner? Killer whales need to be in the wild, not in captivity. I hope you both get raped by Tilikum and then eaten alive. Die slow.

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free tilly*What is quoted by Joseph Gaspard Ph.D is not true. Derf.

By: Dago Joe

Superbowl Wives/Girlfriends Smokesmash

First lets do a WR matchup…

Jessie James-Pop country star/Eric Decker’s wife

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VS.

Elise Pollard-Girfriend of Golden TateImageImageImageImageImage

Two ABSOLUTE dimes. Talk about a couple lucky motherufckers. Both of these girls are fun sized, have perfect bodies, great smiles, and are cute and sexy at the same time. I’m gonna have to go with Jamie on this one. Jamie wins because she is pop country star, she is famous without Decker, and she’s sexier than Elise.

Broncos +1

Next up, WR vs CB….

Anna Welker-Wife of Wes

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VS.

Ashley Lillian Moss- Girlfriend of Richard ShermanImageImageImageImage

No contest. Welker’s wife, Anna, all day. I threw in the last photo of Sherman to show how much of an overachiever he is. Ashley is way too good-looking for that alien. As cute as Ashley is, Anna blew her outta the water on a number of different levels. Anna is a bikini model and she redefines sexy. And no doubt, just like Decker’s wife, Jamie, Anna is a freak too. I would not be shocked at all if Decker and Welker swapped wives every now and then. I mean, wouldn’t you?

Now onto QB’s…

Ashley Manning

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Vs.

4. Ashton Wilson

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Talk about a Smokesmash from Hell. Holy shit, this is tough. I like Ashley because she is tall, has a great smile, great body, and she is brunette. Peyton should be trying to have a kid right now because, no doubt,  its top notch breeding with her.

I like Ashton because she has blue eyes, a great smile, and a great body. Both chicks seem very loyal due to the fact that it was tough to find any photos of them without their husbands. So who wins?

I gotta go with Ashton on this one. The photo of her sitting down in that white dress with her legs crossed was the deciding factor. Tough decision, but Ashton wins.

Due to a great performance by the receiving core of the Denver Broncos, the donkeys pull it out in a close Superbowl Smokesmash victory over the Seahawks in a final score of 2-1.

welkdeck

….Keep your eyes peeled for post game swinger parties held by Welker and Decker…No doubt they will be fucking each other’s wives…

By: Dago Joe

Marshawn Keepin’ it Smoove

Superbowl Media day is a joke, so why not treat it like one? Marshawn isn’t shy, he just doesn’t like people sticking microphones in his face, and the fact that the NFL fined him $50 K for not speaking to the media the entire season is a crock of shit.

Not sure how blunted Shawn is in this video, but that’s beyond the point.

Deion: “You look good.”…..Shawn: “Shit, you do too.”

The fact that Deion had to ask him if he was alright, was a bit outta line. C’mon Prmetime, he’s smoove. He’s about that ACTION. He speaks the truth. He isn’t out there running his mouth, he’s a team player. He’s not bragging about himself, his beastmode performance on Sunday will speak as his words. I say he has a great game, but the Seahawks just aren’t as good as the Broncos. Broncos win 31-24.

Is the fam gonna be there?……Shawn: “Town buiness gonna be in the building.”…Translated: All of Shawn’s homies will be in New York

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By: Dago Joe

Sherman Dominates jersey trash reporter…

Listen to how dumb this chick sounds…

“All of yous football guys goin inta the strip club…and throwin, RAIning down on these strippers, I think that’s a bad example for arr yung ladies, how can we stop that? Cause I think its a bahd example that we settin for arr young girls that they need to be strippas. How do we deal with that issue?”

Wow lady, do yourself a favor and never talk again. Here you are trying to blow up Sherman’s spot after he’s been under the microscope since his post NFC Championship rant. And instead of accomplishing your goal of embarrassing him, you embarrassed yourself by sounding dumber than Miss Teen USA from South Carolina in 2007. Ahhhhhhh…….DERFFFFF!

For the record, I hate Richard Sherman.

Sherman +1,000

Full Retard Jersey reporter -1,000

By: Dago Joe

Madden NFL 25 picks Superbowl Winner

Madden NFL 25 Superbowl simulation picks Broncos over the Seahawks 31-28

Electronic Arts’ annual Superbowl Simulation has been run in Madden NFL 25 and the results shouldn’t surprise any football fans. The Denver Broncos are predicted to beat the Seattle Seahawks with a score of 31-28. I think that’s actually in Seattle’s favor when considering the current betting line. Considering EA’s simulation has proven correct in eight of the last ten years, I think it’s safe to say Denver the favorite to win!

In snowy weather conditions, Seattle is able to put a kibosh on Denver’s offense in the first half of the game. Sherman is even able to intercept Manning to end a second quarter run, leaving the half in Seattle’s favor 10-7. Manning’s Superbowl experience really picks up in the third quarter, however, as Denver puts up 14 unanswered points to go up 21-10. Seattle makes one a huge push in the fourth, tying the game at 28-28 to end regulation with a two-point conversion as the clock expired.

Rory Young – Monday, January 27, 2014 3:41pm (PST)Image

“The annual simulation has been correct 8 out of the last 10 years.”

The only reason Seattle even has a shot is because of shitty weather. They are gonna run the shit outta the ball against Denver’s subpar defense, setting up big play action plays. Snow may also have a negative effect on Peyton’s throwing abilities. But I honestly doubt that. I’ll take Madden 25’s pick and the fact the Money May is going the extra mile to put 10.4 Mill on the Broncos using offshore accounts. The Broncos are the better team. Then again, I thought the Niners were the better team going into the NFC Championship and they choked (as well as no help whatsoever from the refs).

With that said, this is Manning’s year. He will not lose this game. I bet he puts up record numbers despite the shitty weather. Denver covers and takes home the Lombardi Trophy. I’ll set the number of blunts Von (Blipster) Miller smokes after the victory at 5. Molly caps, 4.

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By: Dago Joe